Motherhood as a Path of Mastery
What is Mastery? Some people might say it means having mastered something, being finished with learning about it. I don’t agree with that. One of the definitions of Mastery is “The action or process of mastering a subject or accomplishment.” It’s a process.
I have also heard it said that an aikido master, for example, is not a master because she never falls out of alignment, but because she recognizes that she is out of alignment and is able to get back into alignment so quickly, that no one else notices. I like that definition a lot. This is the context within which we will consider Motherhood as a Path of Mastery.
I am NOT going to reference the ridiculous projections and notions about being a perfect woman or a perfect mother that you may carry from your culture, the media, or the pressure you feel from the outside (from a well-meaning family member) or that you have internalized.
Mastery is a process of unfoldment and becoming, moment to moment, rather than a destination.
As a mom, you could choose to dabble in the art of motherhood, to leave when it challenges you. Some women do that. You may even have had a mother like that. But you would not be reading this if that was your style, so I’m going to assume that you are in the process of mastering your life and that you will embrace motherhood as an art to master.
For those of you who are mom’s, you don’t just show up when you feel like it, you don’t just walk away when it gets hard. You don’t just close down the business of motherhood because it’s not profitable or swap out your kid for a new model when it’s not behaving as you expected. You keep showing up, learning and expanding and being the best person and mom you know how to be. Your kids are so lucky!
At a dinner party with some friends, I spoke with a single mom. As we talked about her daughter, it struck me clearly what a master this woman is. With such a joyful heart she talked about her daughter as well as all the things she was juggling in her life. She radiated joy and was centered and clear. She was vulnerable too, not claiming to have it all figured out, but clearly engaged in and enjoying the process, delighting in her life, in love with her little girl. She was so inspiring!
To choose motherhood as a path of mastery, what are the skills you are mastering? Consider these 4 skills and mindsets. And perhaps you have others, please share your thoughts below. Are there some of these that you are good at? Others where you struggle? If you are still focusing on becoming a mom, how does this resonate for you? Does it help you solidify your intent to become a mom? Does is discourage you?
1) Organize Your Energy
Typically, you are organized for a particular level of presence, order, energy flow and engagement with life, and every time you go through a growth phase you re-organize your energy so you can handle more.
It might look at the physical level like suddenly working out more, being in better shape and having more energy and aliveness. It takes effort to start working out more and you are creating a result of feeling better and having more energy. So it doesn’t just happen, you create it with your focus and action.
Anytime we bring something new into our lives, the system has to shift to accommodate, and a lot of us lose capacity in one area, dropping balls that used to be easy for us because of the newly required demands until we’ve mastered the new level of flow.
When a child comes, he or she brings a huge flow of energy into the family system, so while some people might think –oh no, we’ll have fewer resources when the child arrives, which may be true on one level, I’m curious about how the resources the child brings and the child’s presence as a co-creative partner in the family actually expands the system so that there is more for everyone.
Shifting perspective on this idea that you can shift your system to manage more flow from the inside out to –expand and become more of who you are— rather than relating to the incoming energy, challenge or what have you as taxing an already finished and full system—which would be focusing on a shortage or lack of time, money or energy, if you see it as a closed system and something is coming into it or expanding from within it, then everything will be thrown out of balance.
So as your child moves into a new stage of development and you have to learn all about what he needs and let go of the previous stage, that you are able to navigate the flow of that more consciously, realizing that your child is contributing to you, your expansion and development, and also contributing his or her energy to the dynamic. You can learn to actually connect with your child at the soul level and to co-create smooth expansion by working with energy.
In part it’s just as simple as choosing to align with Source. One tip I can give you is to simply say to yourself, “I ask to connect to my Higher Self. I ask to connect to my Soul. I ask to connect to my Divine Self.” Repeat.
Setting that intention every day will make a difference in how centered, balanced and on top of things you feel.
There are a lot of ways to organize yourself, and when I work with my guide Oshira we always go deep into the way someone is setting up their energy system. I once worked with a client who always books a session when he is ready to go to the next quantum leap in his career. One time he came almost bursting at the seams, not able to manage all of the opportunities and demands on his time. He is in a career where LOTS of people are pulling on him all the time. Does that sound familiar?
During our session, Oshira helped his soul and greater consciousness to reorganize so that he at the personality level could keep all the plates spinning without dropping any, and adding some more in. Shortly after that session he was managing everything with ease and the level of flow that had overwhelmed him became integrated and easy. In 6 months he had mastered that level and was ready for the next.
This is definitely possible for you to create for yourself, but it’s like working out or setting an intention, it’s not going to just happen as life rushes forward. You have to choose it, bring awareness to it and be willing to let go what is likely something that worked very well for you at a lesser level of flow.
2. Get great at Setting Boundaries, Making Clear Agreements and Communication.
The mastery goal might be “I am grace under fire! I say no and my kids feel loved, contained, and open to explore who they truly are.”
The essence of this from my perspective also has to do with the way you are creating your own energetic boundary and how you are connecting to yourself and your child at the soul level. By being centered in the seat of your Soul or higher, connected to your child and his purpose, boundaries can become much easier and more joyful for you, and can create a space where your kids feel safe and supported, free to try things out and become their best self, while trusting you implicitly. They’ll still push back but more often they’ll feel respected and willing to make and honor agreements.
3. Create Your Network of Support
The mastery goal is: “I co-create fulfilling intimate partnerships, friendships
and am surrounded by a thriving, loving community.”
You might have a lot of relationships in your life as part of your path of mastery to learn from, people in your life you may not care for that are in your space because of school or your child’s activities and friendships. It can definitely be a work-out to use every relationship as an opportunity to evolve your ability to be loving. And when you are tired and being pulled on by your family, it can really be a stretch. But as you practice, you will attract more and more of the type of relationship you desire.
Again we are at the idea of the aikido master who falls out of alignment, recognizes she is off and quickly re-aligns. Relationships with your kids and with everyone in your life are an opportunity for you to practice and become, on your path of mastery.
There is a LOT written on this topic already and I won’t reinvent the wheel. Here are a few quick tips:
- 1. Ask to connect with your higher self and soul.
- 2. Lift the energy in your solar plexus to your heart, intend that the connection you offer comes from your heart. (guide them through with hands on body)
- 3. Ask to connect to the soul of another person, either one that you know and would like to improve relations with or one that you haven’t met yet, calling to yourself a new friend. (briefly explain)
One of my clients was having a lot of pain and drama in her relationship with her son and husband. She decided to choose these relationships as a focus during a group session with us.
At the time of the transmission I was in turmoil, and both my son and my husband were involved in it. But during the session, there came a clear knowing that a big piece of energy was released. It was like huge place opening, such a vast horizontal plane, I remember red and orange colors dominating, from the center of this plane big circular waves moved far, far beyond the reach of my awareness. Deep peace and calm arose from that place.
She was able to connect with her Source and to create a release that was holding the dynamic of turmoil in place. She was able to return to love and create a shift in her family system by aligning with her soul and addressing the issue from that level of being. It’s incredibly powerful to do this. It can be faster, less painful and smoother to create the shift from the level of your soul and higher consciousness, opening and surrendering to something bigger than yourself, rather than trying to shift or fix things on your own.
In other words, your network of support includes the many guides, angels and other benevolent beings of light who are at your side that you can always call upon for help and support.
4. Embrace Growth, Keep Growing
At every stage of your child’s life, and every day of your child’s life you are presented with new challenges, new things to learn and become. You figure one stage out and then boom, they are on to the next one. And you might not feel ready for it, but somehow you rise to it and figure it out, get that ball juggling and then whoops! Another ball comes in and you drop one or two or three.
Mastery is constantly showing up ready to say yes to the next surprise, the next growth curve, the next up-leveling in your system. And it’s multi-dimensional because your desires are expanding all the time, your needs are changing, your body is changing, your career or interests are changing, all while you are juggling your children’s rapid growth pace, and if you are married, navigating relationship and all of your partner’s changes and needs too. It’s developing trust in yourself that you are enough and that you will figure it out, that you have support, that you are constantly growing and becoming.
Thank you for bringing your full self to your role as a mom, and also as a woman and all of your other roles. Remember that as you are opening and expanding all the time, constantly learning so are all the other moms. As you have compassion for yourself, as you outfit yourself with tools and resources, you will help all the other moms out there by modeling. You are creating new models for Mothering. You are a role model. Thanks for being so committed. You are needed.